Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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