Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
