oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
