Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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