Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
