My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
