smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
