so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
