Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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