I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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