I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need mimosas to revive my soul
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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