First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
