Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
