I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
