It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
