i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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