yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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