i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
