i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
