I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
