I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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