I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
two words...techno handjob
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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