Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
