did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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