My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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