he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
