She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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