I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
