Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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