So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
