I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
