Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
