she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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