I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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