i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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