im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
