I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
