I think I died a long time ago.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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