Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
