Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
