i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
your like the ambassador to my penis.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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