Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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