just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
