hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
