i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A+ Viking dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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