i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
