i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
