The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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