I want to stick my p in your. b.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
