Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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