Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
