I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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