Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
