Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
