I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
