my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
